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[ ?
affection week is over for everyone else but not for yves. he'll reach out to take a hold of anders' free hand, just to hold onto ]
Not permitted...? Why?
[ he read some of the things that were posted on chipper but lacked proper context to fully understand ]
affection week is over for everyone else but not for yves. he'll reach out to take a hold of anders' free hand, just to hold onto ]
Not permitted...? Why?
[ he read some of the things that were posted on chipper but lacked proper context to fully understand ]
In the Circle, it is not allowed. Mostly for fear of unions resulting in child, but it’s not as if you are allowed anything like love whether or not that is a factor. It is seen as conspiracy, fraternization. An act to be punished. Something for the Templars to use as leverage against you. I was … with someone, for a time while I was at Kinloch Hold. It was the most content I had ever managed to be in the Circle. For a while I even stopped my escape attempts, resigned myself to life there, because at least we were together. Karl had never stepped a toe out of line, never even dreamed of leaving the Circle walls. He liked the quiet and the studying and teaching and obeying all of their rules except one. And it didn't matter, because they separated us regardless and sent him to the Kirkwall Circle. The point is punishment, not keeping us safe from anything.
Now, I have to be dedicated to the cause. Feelings like that are a distraction, and a detriment. I cannot choose my personal feelings over the mages. I would only end up breaking someone’s heart.
Now, I have to be dedicated to the cause. Feelings like that are a distraction, and a detriment. I cannot choose my personal feelings over the mages. I would only end up breaking someone’s heart.
[ ah.
there's been things here that have frustrated yves, amidst all the murder, but this earns a special spot among them. yves' own society doesn't prize love, considering how quickly the emotion is discarded upon becoming a reliver. but to outright disallow it? to punish it? to know that anders himself experienced such happiness only for it to disappear right from his fingers—
his brow furrows and he turns to face anders directly. he continues to hold onto his hand, but his other one finds his friend's shoulder ]
Someone else can choose you, even if you choose the mages. [ because he couldn't dream of asking anders not to, knowing what a difficult fight that is ] Someone can choose the mages with you, if they truly love you.
I won't say your life's work isn't important. Of course it is.
But to love and be loved is the exact type of spiteful act that should still be welcomed, especially if cruel people tell you otherwise.
You are not any less deserving of love just because you have more than one passion in your heart, my friend.
there's been things here that have frustrated yves, amidst all the murder, but this earns a special spot among them. yves' own society doesn't prize love, considering how quickly the emotion is discarded upon becoming a reliver. but to outright disallow it? to punish it? to know that anders himself experienced such happiness only for it to disappear right from his fingers—
his brow furrows and he turns to face anders directly. he continues to hold onto his hand, but his other one finds his friend's shoulder ]
Someone else can choose you, even if you choose the mages. [ because he couldn't dream of asking anders not to, knowing what a difficult fight that is ] Someone can choose the mages with you, if they truly love you.
I won't say your life's work isn't important. Of course it is.
But to love and be loved is the exact type of spiteful act that should still be welcomed, especially if cruel people tell you otherwise.
You are not any less deserving of love just because you have more than one passion in your heart, my friend.
[ yves is so sweet. there has to be something wrong with him. ]
... I wouldn't worry about finding love again. I think you make it pretty easy.
... I wouldn't worry about finding love again. I think you make it pretty easy.
[ yves .......... this is so sincere it makes his stomach hurt. ]
I'm not. I try not to.
I'm not. I try not to.
[ merrill had told him the same thing once. that he believed in things. in freedom, in mages. in bad templars and good spirits. with more fire than the sun. enough it would one day probably burn everything to the ground. ]
I don't know any other way to be anymore. Even here, where we are supposed to be nothing but ourselves - I am still unable to set it down.
I don't know any other way to be anymore. Even here, where we are supposed to be nothing but ourselves - I am still unable to set it down.
[ yeah it took him a while but eventually he figures a horrible cave is a good place to be sad. of course.
he'll wander in - he's doing his best not to crush flowers, but there's really only so much you can do when it's a whole field of them. ]
Yves?
he'll wander in - he's doing his best not to crush flowers, but there's really only so much you can do when it's a whole field of them. ]
Yves?
[ there are small pathways that anders might find through the flowers, not obvious from a distance but when you're in them it's clear that there are certain paths more well-trodden than others. like someone walked among them so very, very much
eventually the field gives way to a cliffside, and there's just a little shadowy ball of a person at the edge. there's no response, but just a bit of movement. ]
eventually the field gives way to a cliffside, and there's just a little shadowy ball of a person at the edge. there's no response, but just a bit of movement. ]
[ this place isn't all that unusual. it's something like the Fade. shaped by the distorted mirror of memories, focused by a mind influencing it. familiar territory for a mage. picking his way through one of the paths, and coming to the cliff edge to look for him there. ]
[ along the cliff's edge, anders will find him yves—or maybe it's kinder to say something yves-shaped.
because it's not quite yves, always prepared with a smile and a kind word. instead there's just a sad little mass of a young man, curled up into a ball and face pressed into his knees as he hugs them close. trying to become smaller, so small that maybe it'll make some of this ache disappear
he's trembling, so it doesn't seem to be working ]
because it's not quite yves, always prepared with a smile and a kind word. instead there's just a sad little mass of a young man, curled up into a ball and face pressed into his knees as he hugs them close. trying to become smaller, so small that maybe it'll make some of this ache disappear
he's trembling, so it doesn't seem to be working ]
[ it isn't the first time he's been around overwhelming grief, seen its bloody work carved into someone. it isn't as if he hasn't experienced it himself. hawke's mother, kristoff's wife, karl in the chantry with the sunburst brand on his forehead. but he feels insulated from that in some ways now. if he loses himself, there is something else to take over, to keep his body moving. yves doesn't have any such landing.
sitting down beside him, hesitating before putting a hand on his back. there's a deepness to his voice, and cracks along his skin that flicker with a eerie blue light. ]
Justice will be handed down. He will not go unavenged.
sitting down beside him, hesitating before putting a hand on his back. there's a deepness to his voice, and cracks along his skin that flicker with a eerie blue light. ]
Justice will be handed down. He will not go unavenged.
[ he stiffens at the touch that he would so usually welcome, but at the voice—anders's voice—he eases. just a little bit. just enough to be meaningful.
he sniffs, some sad and pathetic little noise. ]
... I just... want him to be here.
[ does he want justice? does he want vengeance? he's never known how to wish for those things.
he's only greedy for the few friends in this life that he's lucky enough to get ]
he sniffs, some sad and pathetic little noise. ]
... I just... want him to be here.
[ does he want justice? does he want vengeance? he's never known how to wish for those things.
he's only greedy for the few friends in this life that he's lucky enough to get ]
[ he blinks and the glow fades, though not entirely. the hand stays where it is. ]
He is. They aren't gone. At least, that is what was told to me. In some way, they are still in this realm - though perhaps damaged.
[ ... ]
When a spirit of the Fade dies or is destroyed in some way, the same thing happens. It could take a long time, and they may or may not remember a time before, but eventually they may come to be again. As long as there is something of them in the world to recall them, to echo that spirit. Compassion, or Faith, or Justice.
He is. They aren't gone. At least, that is what was told to me. In some way, they are still in this realm - though perhaps damaged.
[ ... ]
When a spirit of the Fade dies or is destroyed in some way, the same thing happens. It could take a long time, and they may or may not remember a time before, but eventually they may come to be again. As long as there is something of them in the world to recall them, to echo that spirit. Compassion, or Faith, or Justice.
[ . . . something of them in the world to recall them? if there is some memory? does that mean that he needs to be here in order for adolphe's memory to live on? or— ]
He's not the type to admit it... but Adolphe gets lonely too. Even if he's damaged...
Do you think I can't go to where he is?
[ he knows how insane it must sound, especially to those who want their redemption so badly. but yves has nothing to return to. he doesn't even know if he deserves heaven. ]
He's not the type to admit it... but Adolphe gets lonely too. Even if he's damaged...
Do you think I can't go to where he is?
[ he knows how insane it must sound, especially to those who want their redemption so badly. but yves has nothing to return to. he doesn't even know if he deserves heaven. ]
I understand. He is your friend.
[ it doesn't sound insane. at least not to anders. ]
I think perhaps you are still needed here.
[ it doesn't sound insane. at least not to anders. ]
I think perhaps you are still needed here.
You are important to a great many people here. You are important to us.
[ us? ]
I imagine we will rely on you in the coming days. I am sorry that you must bear that weight.
[ us? ]
I imagine we will rely on you in the coming days. I am sorry that you must bear that weight.
[ us....
yves's brow furrows in thought briefly, but eventually he will just exhale in one big sigh, closing his eyes. ]
... if people need me, I'll be here. For as long as I can.
[ even if he wants to be somewhere else - wherever adolphe's gone. he will try to be patient, even if his heart is so full of sorrow. ]
yves's brow furrows in thought briefly, but eventually he will just exhale in one big sigh, closing his eyes. ]
... if people need me, I'll be here. For as long as I can.
[ even if he wants to be somewhere else - wherever adolphe's gone. he will try to be patient, even if his heart is so full of sorrow. ]
[ he can feel the sigh as much as hear it under his hand, matching it with a deep breath out as the glow fades around him some. only light now. ]
Whoever has done it, we will make sure they will never take anyone like Adolphe ever again.
Whoever has done it, we will make sure they will never take anyone like Adolphe ever again.
[ anders' face is bloody and bruised - he hasn't bothered to clean himself up, but he doesn't seem bothered by it. just watching the ocean. he won't turn to face him. ]
What else is there left to say?
What else is there left to say?
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