shadowheart holds the spear in her hand, and then she flings it over the edge, into the abyss, getting it away from her before her resolve can falter.
there's nothing, no negative reaction. just aylin's obvious joy, her awareness that she's going to be freed of this prison. she smiles at shadowheart with pride.
"Your path is not yet set. Your future is not yet fixed. Lay a hand on me in friendship, not-quite-Sharran, and I will fight the battle that has awaited me for a century. And then, oh then, will we have much to discuss."
shadowheart does as she's asked, without speaking, still somewhat in shock. it really does only take the hand of friendship from shadowheart to free her. the reason why is complicated, and something shadowheart herself does not know. but there's an image on one of the mirrors, an ancient battle between two goddesses, and in this gesture, a victory for one of them over the other.
aylin rises, her power restored to her, recovering from her wounds and degradation, until she floats above you, a bright glowing angel with a span of feathered wings in resplendent silver armor. but she doesn't stay; she flies from the shadowfell and leaves shadowheart and the others here. there's another battle that is waiting for her.
and in the aftermath of this, despite nothing happening, despite complete silence and no feeling of shar's presence, shadowheart is very, very afraid.
"We must leave," she tells her friends, but there's a sense, as well, that you must escape from this memory now.]
[ yeah, time to get the fuck out. taking her by the arm and pulling towards the exit - as best as he can. it's still a house of mirrors, but look. time to leave! ]
...I regretted it as soon as I did it, you know. I wanted answers, and there weren't any. I just wanted to undo it, convince Lady Shar I could redeem myself to her.
[whatever redemption experiment they're doing here, it was the backup choice.]
[ she really really does remind him of fenris. except she's a much more reasonable person and rarely rips people's hearts out of their chest, and doesn't threaten him daily with violence. without that it's easier to be emphathetic towards it all, because that is an understandable feeling. ]
I don't think that's uncommon. It is how she wants you to feel. As if you cannot survive without her help, that you will be in danger without her protection. It is a habit. You have spent a life training yourself to do something, and trying to bend the branch the other way is painful.
[he does have a way of putting it bluntly into words.
maybe it would have been different, if she'd done this, endured the pain and punishment, and then returned to her friends, after. received their support, their affirmation that they were proud of her choice, were behind her no matter what came next. if she'd seen that her actions were allowing aylin and the harpers to take the fight to moonrise, that they would allow the travellers they'd met along the way passage safely to the gate. if she'd learned from aylin more about what she'd lost and found a new purpose to hold onto.
instead, she did something she had never once before been brave enough to do, she denied shar outright, not only in her heart, in the actions she could take and things she could feel when not directly ordered. and her fear of how weak and helpless she would be, how quickly she'd be discarded, came true.
but she's seen other things, too. how following this order gave her nothing that she wanted. it only accomplished what shar wanted, finished the job of all of the cruelty she'd endured for years. how there are people who will try to help her find answers, another path.]
Unfortunately, it does somewhat seem that I couldn't survive without her "help" and "protection." [she's here after all. but it's a bitter sort of protection - she's the thing she's protecting her from.]
I don't mind cowering a little. [drumming her fingers against her arms.] I don't remember much, but... for better or for worse, they taught me to want to stay alive. So no, I don't want to pass on, but I'm not so courageous, either.
[ it's not like he's courageous either. he isn't. before justice, he was a coward who did nothing but run from anything difficult in his life at all. and after justice, he is still not brave. it is more that justice does not know what fear is, and therefore, cannot feel it. he simply is, and does. ]
I spent a long time living in spite of others. I don't think it's such a terrible motivator.
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shadowheart holds the spear in her hand, and then she flings it over the edge, into the abyss, getting it away from her before her resolve can falter.
there's nothing, no negative reaction. just aylin's obvious joy, her awareness that she's going to be freed of this prison. she smiles at shadowheart with pride.
"Your path is not yet set. Your future is not yet fixed. Lay a hand on me in friendship, not-quite-Sharran, and I will fight the battle that has awaited me for a century. And then, oh then, will we have much to discuss."
shadowheart does as she's asked, without speaking, still somewhat in shock. it really does only take the hand of friendship from shadowheart to free her. the reason why is complicated, and something shadowheart herself does not know. but there's an image on one of the mirrors, an ancient battle between two goddesses, and in this gesture, a victory for one of them over the other.
aylin rises, her power restored to her, recovering from her wounds and degradation, until she floats above you, a bright glowing angel with a span of feathered wings in resplendent silver armor. but she doesn't stay; she flies from the shadowfell and leaves shadowheart and the others here. there's another battle that is waiting for her.
and in the aftermath of this, despite nothing happening, despite complete silence and no feeling of shar's presence, shadowheart is very, very afraid.
"We must leave," she tells her friends, but there's a sense, as well, that you must escape from this memory now.]
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[ yeah, time to get the fuck out. taking her by the arm and pulling towards the exit - as best as he can. it's still a house of mirrors, but look. time to leave! ]
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...I regretted it as soon as I did it, you know. I wanted answers, and there weren't any. I just wanted to undo it, convince Lady Shar I could redeem myself to her.
[whatever redemption experiment they're doing here, it was the backup choice.]
no subject
I don't think that's uncommon. It is how she wants you to feel. As if you cannot survive without her help, that you will be in danger without her protection. It is a habit. You have spent a life training yourself to do something, and trying to bend the branch the other way is painful.
no subject
maybe it would have been different, if she'd done this, endured the pain and punishment, and then returned to her friends, after. received their support, their affirmation that they were proud of her choice, were behind her no matter what came next. if she'd seen that her actions were allowing aylin and the harpers to take the fight to moonrise, that they would allow the travellers they'd met along the way passage safely to the gate. if she'd learned from aylin more about what she'd lost and found a new purpose to hold onto.
instead, she did something she had never once before been brave enough to do, she denied shar outright, not only in her heart, in the actions she could take and things she could feel when not directly ordered. and her fear of how weak and helpless she would be, how quickly she'd be discarded, came true.
but she's seen other things, too. how following this order gave her nothing that she wanted. it only accomplished what shar wanted, finished the job of all of the cruelty she'd endured for years. how there are people who will try to help her find answers, another path.]
Unfortunately, it does somewhat seem that I couldn't survive without her "help" and "protection." [she's here after all. but it's a bitter sort of protection - she's the thing she's protecting her from.]
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Better to die free than cowering.
[ he isn't sure if he had managed that himself. ]
You died, but I think you're surviving. If you were ready to simply pass on, I imagine you'd have done so already.
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[she's really not so sure about that.]
I don't mind cowering a little. [drumming her fingers against her arms.] I don't remember much, but... for better or for worse, they taught me to want to stay alive. So no, I don't want to pass on, but I'm not so courageous, either.
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I spent a long time living in spite of others. I don't think it's such a terrible motivator.
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No? I have heard that before. I think it would get you far, but I don't know if anyone can live on spite alone.