[ HE IS NOT IN TROUBLE. ]

... I am sorry, if I can't say it easily. [ the l-word.] It just comes with-- everything that surrounds it.

[ and for the most part, at least until here, that has mostly been pain. a lifetime of being unable to say something as simple as i love you for fear of that emotion being something wielded against you, as leverage for pain. ]

But I do. Feel it.