... He's a spirit of the Fade. The Fade is inhabited by demons and spirits, who reflect the worst and best of our sins and virtues. Fear, Pride, Sloth. Wisdom, Faith, Love. Most of them are fascinated by our world, crave it in some way or at least want to know more of it. Demons will seek to possess mages, either through force or trickery, take over their minds and puppet their bodies. It is one of the things we are trained against, and part of the reason people fear us so much. We are vulnerable to this, because when we sleep we walk the Fade.
[ honestly, he thinks of yves a lot like a spirit - at least the way he's shaped and carries himself. an ideal. a virtue. so intent on fulfilling this purpose he has left some part of himself behind. maybe that's wrong, dehumanizing in its own way, but he doesn't think yves would hate that. ]
We met a long time ago, when I was with the Grey Wardens. He was infuriating. Frustrating to talk to, stubborn beyond all measure. Brave, and true. Maybe brave is even the wrong word. He does not know fear, so there is no other way for him to be. I was afraid all the time. It's why I ran so much, from everything. He asked me once why I did not fight for the Mages and only helped myself, and I had no good answer. He was the first person to hear about the mages and react only with a desire to see justice for them instead of fear or doubt. He was my friend.
At the time, he was trapped outside of the Fade. A blood mage had torn him from his home and left him here, in the mundane world, with only a corpse to inhabit. We agreed that ... a willing host is different than an unwitting mage. And he is a spirit, not a demon. We could help each other to do the things we could not do alone.
yves listens, and he understands a bit better now. what this fade is, what it means for anders to be speak as two and not just as one. yves holds onto his hand and nods along, indicating his understanding. the fact that he's enraptured. ]
... it sounds like you found each other when you were both in need. I'm glad that you had each other and could find that comfort, that purpose, for however long.
[ it sounds familiar in ways that he can't even begin to articulate ]
Mm... I see. If that's the case then, I'll love your Justice too.
[ without hesitation, because if the other option is to take anders piece by piece then he won't accept it.
at the mention of adolphe though, he laughs ]
He did that on purpose. [ HIS RECLUSE BESTIE ] Even though I do think that he can get along with people once he's around them...
[ he'll lean lightly against anders, but his gaze drifts out to the ocean. he breathes in the next breeze, thinking back to the island they're both from ]
... he's my best friend. If I do my best to love everyone, then I've loved Adolphe since the beginning without trying. He looks after me. He can tell me that everything will be okay, and... it's the easiest to believe from his lips. Because he's reasonable and grounded when I'm flighty and all over the place. He is specific with his affections, but he is fiercely loyal. I think... he really loves me, even if it's not the way I want to be loved.
[ present tense, like he still doesn't know how to let go ]
I feel... lost without him. Which is why I didn't want you to have to feel what I do.
[ even if hawke was the cause. even if so much was taken from yves already. he was so ready to give even more - but he knows adolphe knows this about him too. ]
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[ but. ]
I thought about it. But that's not a thing I could live with.
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... I'm sorry. I wish it could've been something that helped.
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and then he just shakes his head ]
... I'm sorry. I can't. Even as much as I love Adolphe... he knows this about me.
I don't think... he would want me to change who I am, even if it's to hate someone on his behalf.
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It's what made Justice so angry all the time. My rage.
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I think… I’m an abnormal case, Anders. No one should ever be like me. I’m a twisted person, ultimately.
But… your rage comes from how deeply you love and wish to defend. I don’t think that’s wrong.
Sometimes, I wish I could be that way. It might make me a better friend.
[ if it was anyone but adolphe, yves doubts they’d forgive him for how readily he forgives others ]
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Together we might make one, normal, balanced person.
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and he'll reach out to take anders' hand, if it's okay this time ]
I'm sorry, my friend.
I still wouldn't change a single thing about you, exactly as you are.
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Not even the spirit of Justice possessing me?
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[ he's only getting a vague sense of what it all means now ]
... but it's up to you. If it's a part of you that you want to keep, then it's a part of you I want to love.
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[ honestly, he thinks of yves a lot like a spirit - at least the way he's shaped and carries himself. an ideal. a virtue. so intent on fulfilling this purpose he has left some part of himself behind. maybe that's wrong, dehumanizing in its own way, but he doesn't think yves would hate that. ]
We met a long time ago, when I was with the Grey Wardens. He was infuriating. Frustrating to talk to, stubborn beyond all measure. Brave, and true. Maybe brave is even the wrong word. He does not know fear, so there is no other way for him to be. I was afraid all the time. It's why I ran so much, from everything. He asked me once why I did not fight for the Mages and only helped myself, and I had no good answer. He was the first person to hear about the mages and react only with a desire to see justice for them instead of fear or doubt. He was my friend.
At the time, he was trapped outside of the Fade. A blood mage had torn him from his home and left him here, in the mundane world, with only a corpse to inhabit. We agreed that ... a willing host is different than an unwitting mage. And he is a spirit, not a demon. We could help each other to do the things we could not do alone.
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yves listens, and he understands a bit better now. what this fade is, what it means for anders to be speak as two and not just as one. yves holds onto his hand and nods along, indicating his understanding. the fact that he's enraptured. ]
... it sounds like you found each other when you were both in need. I'm glad that you had each other and could find that comfort, that purpose, for however long.
[ it sounds familiar in ways that he can't even begin to articulate ]
Do you... still welcome him?
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[ as if either of them have enough left to be separate creatures still. ]
... Can you tell me about Adolphe? I didn't know him well.
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[ without hesitation, because if the other option is to take anders piece by piece then he won't accept it.
at the mention of adolphe though, he laughs ]
He did that on purpose. [ HIS RECLUSE BESTIE ] Even though I do think that he can get along with people once he's around them...
[ he'll lean lightly against anders, but his gaze drifts out to the ocean. he breathes in the next breeze, thinking back to the island they're both from ]
... he's my best friend. If I do my best to love everyone, then I've loved Adolphe since the beginning without trying. He looks after me. He can tell me that everything will be okay, and... it's the easiest to believe from his lips. Because he's reasonable and grounded when I'm flighty and all over the place. He is specific with his affections, but he is fiercely loyal. I think... he really loves me, even if it's not the way I want to be loved.
[ present tense, like he still doesn't know how to let go ]
I feel... lost without him. Which is why I didn't want you to have to feel what I do.
[ even if hawke was the cause. even if so much was taken from yves already. he was so ready to give even more - but he knows adolphe knows this about him too. ]
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He doesn't love you in the way you want to be loved?
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[ sometimes you are just a little guy so desperate for love it's disgusting ]
The fact that Adolphe loves me at all is something worth cherishing.