yves recognizes these in bits and pieces, and he shudders when he sees the behavior that the tranquil mark results in. that act of removing a person's awareness. to be a puppet. it's... it's familiar in a way, that he wished could never truly happen. his heart aches for this unhappy ending, and he turns only to see that raised fist.
so he reaches out - slowly but surely - to gently cover anders's hand with his ]
... Anders. [ softly ] Careful. You could hurt yourself.
[ he's not really a punching type of guy, so he's easy enough to dissuade from putting a fist through glass, but he does turn his back to the mirror - crossing his arms over his chest. ]
[ yves watches for a moment before placing a hand on his shoulder ]
... I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to share this with me yourself, even if I also understand if you'd never want to. But... I don't mind knowing something else about you.
He was-- the first person I was ever really with. But we hadn't been together for a long time by then.
[ he doesn't know that he'd call it love - in so much as they weren't allowed to be in love. ]
He convinced me once that we shouldn't leave the tower. I used to try escaping. All the time. But he asked me to stop, because it worried him, so I did. We could have some sort of life there, and it wouldn't be free, but we would have food and shelter and each other at least. He was the best thing about that place.
[ yves listens and he's quiet about it. and he does think that's probably true. even if it's not quite love, if it's as close as it can be without being, then he does understand how that can be enough to stay someone's hand from reaching for that front door. to feel trapped and yet so, so adoring ]
... you must've made him so very happy. For him to choose that life with you.
I think I mostly drove him insane, actually. I had a reputation.
[ but probably happy too. that's the thing about these pedestals he builds for people. there are times in their shadows he is happy. he was happy in the tower, he was happy in Kirkwall, with Hawke. for years, even. but it always crashes again. ]
Who knows. Maybe it wouldn't have lasted anyway. It's not as if we got to find out.
[ there's a little laugh at that, heartened. but he'll also place his hand to rest over anders's ]
Or you could've been lucky and had your first love be exactly who and what you needed at the time. Maybe your souls will find each other again, somehow, and you can try it out.
[ well that does explain a lot about yves. what it doesn't explain is how anyone could treat him that way. demon.abomination.possessed by death. it's enough to drive a knife of familiar rage under his skin. if he could glow, if his skin could still crack with that otherworldly light, it would be. ]
[ yves wants to argue a little bit—he really does think that people do the best they can with what information they had. but... even he knows that this would have been hard for him to watch for anyone else. because it is yves, he can excuse it.
it's just... a little nice
to have the ideal of justice itself saying that he was wronged ]
... it does still ache, sometimes. [ . . . ] Even if I try not to blame anyone.
[ yeah. maybe it's a little insight into why anders cares about Justice so much, enough to take him into his body, give up part of his mind to him entirely.
just once, it is nice to know that a spirit - which cannot lie, and cannot hide its true feelings - has heard your story, and it knows you have been treated with injustice.
anders shoulder's will slump again, as it pushes back. ]
... You did a brave thing. It should be a scar you are able to wear proudly.
he doesn't know if he can go that far—the insults and rocks thrown at him, calling him a monster and a puppet, are still in his memory. the way that people whisper about him when they think he can't hear still lingers. but...
this sentiment is one that he holds close and cherishes. maybe one day he can believe this too. ]
... maybe one day. [ a beat ] I don't regret saving her.
She's... Ceres. Adolphe's younger sister from the orphanage. [ . . . ] They treat her worse than they treat me, really... They call her Death and believe that a curse follows her that leads to people's deaths. They blamed her for that fire but...
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yves recognizes these in bits and pieces, and he shudders when he sees the behavior that the tranquil mark results in. that act of removing a person's awareness. to be a puppet. it's... it's familiar in a way, that he wished could never truly happen. his heart aches for this unhappy ending, and he turns only to see that raised fist.
so he reaches out - slowly but surely - to gently cover anders's hand with his ]
... Anders. [ softly ] Careful. You could hurt yourself.
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... Sorry. You shouldn't have to see it.
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... I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to share this with me yourself, even if I also understand if you'd never want to. But... I don't mind knowing something else about you.
I'm just sorry that it was so painful.
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[ he is at least holding it together decently for the moment. it's not like this one doesn't play on repeat in his own head. ]
It's what he wanted. He asked.
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He did. You helped him, even knowing that it would haunt you.
I think... that's also love.
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[ he doesn't know that he'd call it love - in so much as they weren't allowed to be in love. ]
He convinced me once that we shouldn't leave the tower. I used to try escaping. All the time. But he asked me to stop, because it worried him, so I did. We could have some sort of life there, and it wouldn't be free, but we would have food and shelter and each other at least. He was the best thing about that place.
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... you must've made him so very happy. For him to choose that life with you.
[ and vice versa ]
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[ but probably happy too. that's the thing about these pedestals he builds for people. there are times in their shadows he is happy. he was happy in the tower, he was happy in Kirkwall, with Hawke. for years, even. but it always crashes again. ]
Who knows. Maybe it wouldn't have lasted anyway. It's not as if we got to find out.
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Or you could've been lucky and had your first love be exactly who and what you needed at the time. Maybe your souls will find each other again, somehow, and you can try it out.
[ and wouldn't that be nice?
do u want mem back, alli ]
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[ gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme ]
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[ you might call it a survival tactic. the mirrors shift.
You won’t fool me by calling me Mother, you demon…! ]
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How dare anyone treat you that way.
[ justice has Thoughts. ]
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it's just... a little nice
to have the ideal of justice itself saying that he was wronged ]
... it does still ache, sometimes. [ . . . ] Even if I try not to blame anyone.
[ so please don't get too angry? ]
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just once, it is nice to know that a spirit - which cannot lie, and cannot hide its true feelings - has heard your story, and it knows you have been treated with injustice.
anders shoulder's will slump again, as it pushes back. ]
... You did a brave thing. It should be a scar you are able to wear proudly.
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he doesn't know if he can go that far—the insults and rocks thrown at him, calling him a monster and a puppet, are still in his memory. the way that people whisper about him when they think he can't hear still lingers. but...
this sentiment is one that he holds close and cherishes. maybe one day he can believe this too. ]
... maybe one day. [ a beat ] I don't regret saving her.
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Who is she?
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She's... Ceres. Adolphe's younger sister from the orphanage. [ . . . ] They treat her worse than they treat me, really... They call her Death and believe that a curse follows her that leads to people's deaths. They blamed her for that fire but...
[ shakes head!! ]
It wasn't her fault. She's just a normal girl.