pc: yves

[spiritbalm]

Comments

[spiritbalm]

[ he'll take his arm, shuddering a little at the cold. he'll still walk slow, even if yves is moving as if he's alright. better to be careful still. ]

You don't need to apologize. Are you alright?

[noirges]

[ well

it's a smart move because yves is ultimately a deeply accommodating person, and he will shift to match anders's pace instead ]

... maybe?

[ he's not confident ]

I'm physically hurt, I know that... and emotionally, I...

[ how does he even begin to describe what he went through ]

... I don't want to be left behind.

[spiritbalm]

[ yes his old knees can't possibly walk faster than this, yves will just HAVE to match him, oh no ...

squeezing the arm he has a hold of slightly tighter. ]

You won't be.

[ he knows these thursday things are probably worse emotionally than they are physically - wounds heal. thoughts linger. ]

[noirges]

I would've died for them.

[ and yves offers this too readily as someone who finds himself always dying for others, rushing to their rescue before his brain can process what his body is doing

which makes it all the more frustrating here ]

But I couldn't. I was the only one who couldn't.

[spiritbalm]

For what it's worth, everyone is alive. You made it back. No one needed to die for anyone. I'm sure you did well.

[noirges]

[ . . . did they? he has to believe that. there's a shaky little breath for a moment as he tries to center himself as to where he is ]

... right.

... they're all badly hurt, though. Please look after them too, Anders.

[ yves knows he will but... the fussing is there ]

[spiritbalm]

[ well. for now? ]

I know.

I still have the item that can heal. I understand not wanting to use it before Saturday, in case we are required to check wounds. But I feel like a monster, withholding it any longer. I would like to use it on one of you - you can decide amongst yourselves who it will be if you like.

[noirges]

[ he smiles gently at that ]

... I've already gotten an offer. [ because people are kind, and he loves them so much. ] I've personally turned it down for now. The guilt of knowing that some of their injuries happened at my hand... I couldn't take it. And while I know it's cause for concern in some areas... I don't feel the pain they do, and it bothers me more to know that they have to endure that alongside everything else.

So... please ask them.

[spiritbalm]

You can't heal anyone else with your own pain, you know.

[ it doesn't work like that. pain only begets pain. ]

I know you don't feel it, but it's still there. You're still mortal.

[noirges]

I know.

[ unfortunately he does. he did still die. ]

... even so, I'm sorry Anders. Please endure my selfishness. I can manage a little bit better than the others, I think.